30+ Best Funny Wedding Vows Examples 2023

Including a touch of humor in your wedding vows can lighten the mood and reveal the playful side of your relationship. Laughter can also help you manage your emotions and avoid getting too tearful. However, it can be tricky to seamlessly incorporate comedy into your vows.

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If you want to add some fun to your vows, keep in mind that these are still your vows and should not be treated as a comedy routine. Instead, aim for light and simple jokes that everyone can understand and appreciate. Avoid using inside jokes or references that only you and your partner would understand, as you want to make your guests laugh with you, not leave them confused. Remember, this is the moment where you are declaring your love for your partner, not auditioning for a comedy show.

To help guide you, we have gathered some examples of funny wedding vows and offered tips for creating your own humorous vows for your wedding.

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FUNNY WEDDING VOW SAMPLES – ONE LINERS

“I promise to unclog the tub, even though only one of us has long hair.”

“I vow never to steal your covers, unless you are hogging them.”

“I vow to take your hand when it’s too dark, and the dog out when it’s too early.”

“I vow to protect you from spiders as long as we both shall live.”

“I promise to get up and get the remote from across the room, even if it was not I who placed the remote so very far away.”

“I promise not to drink your drinks, even though I am thirsty and your drink is literally right there.”

“I vow to always let you have the last blueberry pancake.”

“I vow to be there when you start Netflix marathons and finish actual marathons.”

“Let’s forget when to shut up, forget being polite, let’s be that couple, those people, and have the time of our lives until we drop dead.”

“Let’s grow old disgracefully together.”

“I promise to love you, even when you leave your clothes on the floor and your dishes in the sink.”

“I promise to love and cherish you, through good times and bad, but mostly through the good times because I’m not that strong.”

“I promise to love you, even when you’re hangry and your mood swings are worse than a roller coaster.”

“I promise to always support your Netflix binges and bring you endless amounts of snacks while you watch.”

“I promise to love and honor you, even when you forget to put the toilet seat down.”

“I promise to always make you laugh, even when you’re having a terrible day and just want to be left alone.”

“I promise to be your partner in crime and your accomplice in all the ridiculous adventures we’ll have together.”

FUNNY WEDDING VOW SAMPLES – COMPLETE VOWS

If you want to express your love and sense of humor in more than just a single line, consider writing full wedding vows. To inspire you, we have compiled some ideas for funny marriage vows based on your interests. Use these ideas to help spark your creativity as you craft your own humorous vows.

FOR THE ATHLETES AND SPORTS FANS

“I Michael, take you, Jessica to be my lawfully wedded wife and chief tennis doubles partner, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for when we win and the very, very rare occasion when we lose. I promise to love, honor, and cherish you, to return your serves and do my best not to foot fault. This I vow to you.

“I promise to love you as much as the Chicago Cubs and not hold your black-and-white striped dress against you. From this day forward, I will listen to all of your complaints about the mall if you say them during the off-season and promise to retire my baseball cap and face paint for public outings. I will love you in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death parts us or you become a White Sox fan.

 

I, [partner’s name], take you, [partner’s name], to be my lawfully wedded spouse. I promise to love and cherish you, even when you leave your socks on the floor and your dishes in the sink. I promise to support your Netflix binges and bring you endless amounts of snacks while you watch. I promise to always make you laugh, even when you’re having a terrible day and just want to be left alone. I promise to be your partner in crime and your accomplice in all the ridiculous adventures we’ll have together. I love you more than I love pizza, and that’s saying a lot.

FOR THE ANIMAL LOVERS

  • “I promise to love and cherish you as much as I do our dog, Spot. From this day forward, I will lint roll the chairs whenever your parents visit. I will love you in sickness and in health, as long as you take care of the vet visits. I promise to cuddle with you as much as I do Spot and pick up treats for you whenever he gets some, too.

  • “From this day forward, I promise to put booties on our cat Fluffy so that you are not scratched. I will always make sure the litter box is clean and will keep Fluffy out of Spot’s house. I will love you for richer or poorer, so long as Fluffy gets gourmet cat food.

FOR THE PARTNERS IN CRIME

  • “Let’s be dumb together—just plain stupid. Make bad choices, eat the wrong things, take wrong turns, and then let’s tell great stories, the same ones—forever and ever until no one can stand us but each other.

  • “I want your worst—give me your bad hair days, your long commutes, your burnt coffee, lost keys, splashed shoes, annoying coworkers, lost receipts, broken copiers. Give me your everyday and I will give you my love to make it alright

FOR THE REALISTS

  • “I just want your company, that’s it. Just your company and your support—your undying support. Oh, and for you to forswear all others besides me—just all those things. Oh, and your kidneys—can you give me a kidney? Just one—and oh, your whole life—everything in your whole life—so I guess that includes your other kidney and your internal organs and soul and such. So that’s all I want. Just that. Think you can handle that?

FOR ANYONE

Need more inspiration for your funny marriage vows? Consider incorporating promises or non-traditional vows that reflect your personality and sense of humor. Our lists of ideas can help you mix and match to create heartfelt and humorous vows that truly capture your relationship.

  • Bride/Groom: “I promise to leave my apple cores and dirty butter knives on the counter
    I promise to overdraft the checking account
    I promise to complain about the kitty litter
    I vow to encourage us to try new and strange things
    I vow to fill your ‘I love you’ bank every day
    I vow to never use a recipe when fixing dinner
    I vow to be the best parts of me that fit perfectly with the best parts of you
    Although I will be imperfect, I pledge to be sensitive and respectful of your unique talents, abilities and quirks
    I pledge to lend you strength for all of your dreams
    Through our union we can accomplish more than I could alone
    I believe in you.”
  • Bride/Groom: “I promise to forget to stack the dishes on the right and leave stagnant water in the sink
    I promise to always drive the speed limit, even on the freeway
    I promise to cuss loudly at video games
    I vow to snuggle you as often as possible
    I vow to make you really really laugh out loud (possibly even snort)
    I vow to always try one bite of any meal you create
    I vow to be the best parts of me that fit perfectly with the best parts of you
    Although I will be imperfect, I pledge to be sensitive and respectful of your unique talents, abilities, and quirks
    I pledge to lend you strength for all of your dreams
    Through our union we can accomplish more than I could alone
    I believe in you.”

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FAMOUS & FUNNY WEDDING QUOTES

If you are unable to come up with funny marriage vows on your own, why not rely on others to help you through the process? Here are some funny wedding quotes written by famous authors that you can use to express the love and laughter at your wedding.

  • “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash

  • “The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.” -Gabriel García Márquez

  • “Marriage is getting to have a sleepover with your best friend, every single night of the week.” – Christie Cook

  • “The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’” – Anonymous

  • “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers

  • “You don’t marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you.” – Richard Needham

  • “Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  • “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

  • “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” – Robert Quillen

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HOW TO WRITE FUNNY WEDDING VOWS

Writing your own wedding vows is a great way to showcase your personality and sense of humor, but it can also be intimidating. To help ease the anxiety of composing your own vows, we recommend reviewing our top four tips for writing any type or tone of wedding vows. Additionally, when writing funny vows, keep the following considerations in mind:

Start by brainstorming ideas: Think about your relationship and the things that make you both laugh. Write down any funny stories or inside jokes that come to mind.

Keep it light: Remember that these are still your vows, so avoid making jokes at the expense of your partner or your relationship.

Edit and revise: Don’t be afraid to rewrite or cut out any jokes that don’t work. It’s better to have a few well-crafted jokes than a bunch of mediocre ones.

Practice your delivery: Reading your vows out loud will help you get a feel for the pacing and rhythm of your jokes. Make sure to rehearse so you can deliver them smoothly on the big day.

Have fun: Above all, remember that the point of adding humor to your vows is to have fun and make the moment memorable. Don’t take yourself too seriously and enjoy the process of crafting your funny vows.

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