130 Golf Puns That Make You Laugh Out Loud

Welcome to the world of golf puns and jokes! Whether you’re playing a round of golf or just looking for a few laughs, here you’ll find plenty of hilarious one-liners and puns to keep you entertained. From the classic “Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?” to clever puns about golfers, swingers and caddies, you’re sure to have a hole in one with these golf jokes. So grab your putter and get ready for a great time!

Great Golf Puns

It’s no secret that golfers love to make a few jokes out on the course. And, with a game like golf, there’s plenty of opportunity for puns and pun-filled humor. Whether you’re teeing off for a friendly round of golf or looking for that perfect joke to break up a serious competition on the green, these great golf puns will surely make everyone laugh. So, get ready to hit your best shot with a smile, because these golf puns are sure to lighten up any round.

1. A chip off the old block
2. Address the ball. Hello, ball!
3. Asking fore a friend
4. Care fore a spot of tee?
5. Careful there, putter fingers
6. Careful, putter fingers
7. Catch me riding birdie
8. Down putt not out
9. Everybody trap your hands
10. Fairway to heaven
11. Fore-get me nots
12. Golf forth and prosper
13. Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
14. Good times as par as the eye can see
15. Green and bear it
16. Green there, done that
17. Having a rough time
18. I golf you on my mind
19. I like big putts and I cannot lie
20. I’m not really that bad at putting, I just can’t catch a break.
21. If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.
22. It doesn’t get putter than this
23. It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do
24. It’s ball or nothing
25. Kiss my putt
26. Let it tee
27. Let’s get this par-tee started
28. Let’s par-tee
29. May the course be with you
30. Nice shot, shankapotamus
31. No ifs, ands or putts
32. No ifs, ands, or putts about it
33. Over the hills and fore away
34. Putter late than never
35. Start of a beautiful friend-chip
36. Stay humble and put your eagle aside
37. Swingin’ in the rain
38. The duke of hazards
39. This guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff
40. This is all fore the best
41. To tee or not to tee
42. Un-fore-gettable in every way
43. What a load of trap
44. Who’s your caddy?
45. You are my cup of tee
46. You drive me crazy
47. You’re tee-riffic
48. You’re the best, by par

 

Funny Golf Jokes

Golf is a game that encourages plenty of jokes, especially when you’re trying to figure out why the little white ball isn’t going where you wanted it to! From funny quips about slow play to one-liners about errant shots, funny golf jokes bring laughs to the course. Whether you’re a beginner or an experienced golfer, there’s plenty of jokes to keep you entertained. So grab a club and get ready for some of the best funny golf jokes around!

1. “Don’t be so happy,” his friend says. “You have a tee time scheduled for Saturday.”
2. “Henry,” he says, “you won’t believe it, but there is golf in Heaven.”
3. “That is wonderful!” Henry replies.
4. A friend of Henry’s dies suddenly. A week later, he comes back to tell his friend how great Heaven is.
5. Bob asked if the pro thought this would help his game.
6. Bob was playing a round of golf with the club pro one day and after 18 holes they went into the clubhouse. Bob asked the pro: “What do you think of my game?”
7. Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve moved most of the earth already today.
8. Golfer: I would move both heaven and earth to get a birdie today.
9. The pro replied: “You should shorten your clubs by 1 inch.”
10. To which the pro said, “No! It will help them fit in the trash can!”
11. What do golfers do on their days off? Putter around.
12. What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club? Harry Putter.
13. Why do golf announcers whisper?Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.
14. Which actress is incredible at golf?Minnie Driver.
15. What do you call a monkey who wins the Masters?The chimpion!
16. What are the primary components of a golfer’s diet?A lot of greens and water.
17. What did the sign above the golf club bar say?“Don’t drink and drive. Don’t even putt.”
18. Where do ghouls and ghosts play their golf?On a golf corpse.
19. What do golfers do on their days off?Putter around.
20. What should NASA do if it wants to explore water on Mars?Send a golfer there to hit a golf ball.
21. A golfer standing at a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, “Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”
22. What should you do if you’re caught in a lightning storm during a round of golf?
    Hold your 1-iron up high because even Mother Nature can’t hit a 1-iron.
23. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3.After some deliberation, he takes out his 3-iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within three feet of the pin.

    A fan in the crowd said “Mr. Palmer, how do you make a 3-iron back up like that?”

    Mr. Palmer replied, “Do you own a 3-iron?”

    The fan said, “Yes, sir I do.”

    “How far do you hit it?” said Palmer. “About 160 yards,” the fan replied.

    Palmer calmly said, “What the hell do you want it to back up for?”

24. Why are computers good at golf?Because they have hard drives.
25. After a poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked up the 18th hole.He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”

    The caddie, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”

26. Why do the pros tell you to keep your head down during golf lessons?
    So you can’t see them laughing.
27.  Golf balls are like eggs.They’re white, sold by the dozen, and after a week you need to buy some more!
28. Are you a scratch golfer?I sure am. Every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where the heck it went.
29. Why is golf called golf?Because F&*% was already taken!
30. Do you know how the moon got craters?Three Words: Chuck Norris Golf
31. Golfer: “I think I’ll go drown myself in that lake.”Caddie: “I don’t think you’ll keep your head down long enough.”
32. Golfer to caddie: “Why do you keep looking at your watch? I find it very distracting.”Caddie: “It’s not a watch, sir – it’s a compass.”
33. Two golfers are ready to play on the 12th hole as a funeral cortege passes by. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes.“That was a really nice thing to do,” the second golfer says.

    “Well, it’s only right,” the first golfer replies. “I was married to her for 35 years.”

34. One day a player asked his coach: “What is going wrong with my game?”“You’re standing too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.”
35. A golfer standing at a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, “Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”
36. Golfer to caddie: “Why do you keep looking at your watch? I find it very distracting.”Caddie: “It’s not a watch, sir – it’s a compass.”
37. After a poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked up the 18th hole.He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”

    The caddie, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”

38. A golfer standing at a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner,
    “Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”
39. “You’re late on the tee, John.”“Yes, well, it being a Sunday, I had to toss a coin to see if I should go to church or go and play golf.”

    “Okay, but why are you so late?”

    “I had to toss it 15 times!”

40. Golfer: I would move heaven and earth to get a birdie today.Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth today.
41. Golfer to caddie: “Why do you keep looking at your watch? I find it very distracting.”Caddie: “It’s not a watch, sir – it’s a compass.”
42. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match. Wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, 15-foot putt to win the match. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole.Her husband, laughing, said, “Right train, wrong ticket.”

    The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, “No sleeper cars on that train either.”

Funny Golf One-Liners

Do you love to play golf and enjoy a good laugh? If you answered yes, then check out this collection of funny golf one-liners! Whether you’re looking for the perfect joke to break the ice on the golf course or simply a funny quip to make your golf buddies chuckle, these one-liners are sure to bring a smile to everyone’s faces. So get ready to tee off with these hilarious golf puns and one-liners!

1. A friendly golfer is known as a social putter-fly.
2. A golfer’s favorite bird is an eagle.
3. A golfer’s favorite dance is the bogey.
4. A golfer’s favorite flowers are fore-get-me-nots.
5. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
6. Computers are good at golf because they have a hard drive.
7. Golf is an easy game… it’s just hard to play.
8. Golf is the only game where the ball lies poorly and the golfers lie well.
9. Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
10. Golf is like life.. you strive for the green, but end up in the hole.
11. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play softball.
12. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
13. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work… and both are expensive.
14. Golfers always carry two pairs of pants, in case they get a hole in one.
15. Golfers are scared of the Bogey-man.
16. I shot one under at golf. One under a tree, and one under the water.
17. I wish I could play my normal game…Just once!
18. I play in the low 80’s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.
19. In golf, the slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you!
20. It takes fore golfers to change a lightbulb.
21. One golf ball said to the other, “See you a round.”
22. Oxymoron: An easy par three.
23. The best wood in most golfer’s bags is the pencil.
24. The only thing that causes more cheating than golf is income taxes.
25. The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul-it-again.”
26. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
27. When golfers aren’t golfing, they putter around.
28. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
29. Practice Tee: A place where golfers go to convert a nasty hook into a wicked slice
30. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

Are you feeling down in the dumps and need a good laugh? If so, golf puns are the perfect way to turn your frown upside down! Whether you’re a golf enthusiast or just looking for a fun way to pass time with friends, these jokes, one-liners, and puns will have you in stitches in no time. So take a swing at some of these great golf jokes and you’re sure to have a hole-in-one!