120+ Best Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted and Funny

Dark humor jokes can provide a unique and unconventional way to inject some levity into a situation, particularly in awkward social settings. If you’re looking for something a little bit different and offbeat, these types of jokes may be just what you need. However, it is important to be mindful of the audience and the context in which you tell these jokes, as they may not be appropriate or well-received in all situations. It is always a good idea to get a sense of the atmosphere and the attitudes of those around you before sharing a dark humor joke.

If you’re ready to explore this type of humor and hear some of the funniest, wittiest, and darkest jokes around, read on.

Dark Humor Jokes

What Are Dark Humor Jokes?

Dark humor jokes are a type of humor that involves making jokes about subjects that are typically considered taboo or sensitive, such as death, illness, or tragedy. These jokes often use irony, sarcasm, or black comedy to make light of difficult or unpleasant situations.

Dark humor can be controversial because it can be seen as distasteful or inappropriate to make jokes about sensitive subjects. It is often used as a way to cope with difficult situations or to find humor in otherwise bleak circumstances.

It’s important to note that dark humor is not for everyone and can be offensive or distressing to some people. It’s always a good idea to be mindful of your audience and to be respectful of others’ feelings.

The Best Dark Humor Jokes

Are you ready for a laugh? If so, you’ve come to the right place! We’ve compiled some of the best dark humor jokes out there, guaranteed to make you smile, even when the world around you seems a little gloomy. Whether you’re looking for a quirky one-liner that will make your friends roll on the floor, or a laugh-out-loud joke that’ll put a spring in your step, we’ve got what you need! So, if you’re up for some wickedly funny humor, keep on reading and prepare to be amused.

Best Dark Humor Jokes

  1. “I have good and bad news,” the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
  2. A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
  3. “Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!”
  4. A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
  5. A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
  6. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
  7. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
  8. My therapist said time heals all wounds. So I stabbed her.
  9. Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding she’d say: “you’re next”. So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
  10. I went to visit my childhood home, but the people who lived there wouldn’t let me in. My parents are the worst.
  11. Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
  12. If you think I would joke about Alzheimer’s, forget it.
  13. Stop elephant poaching. Everyone knows the best way to eat an elephant is grilled.
  14. I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
  15. If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
  16. My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
  17. I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.
  18. Top tip: If your wife says: “what would you most like to do to my body?”, “identify it” is the wrong answer.
  19. Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
  20. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
  21. Lovely saying. Terrible way to find out you’re adopted.
  22. I read a book about an immortal dog. It was impossible to put down.
  23. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
  24. A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
  25. Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
  26. Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
  27. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
  28. My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
  29. Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.
  30. My wife left a note on the fridge saying, “this is not working”.I don’t know what she’s talking about, the fridge is working fine.
  31. Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
  32. My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
  33. I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
  34. Man: How do you prepare your chicken?Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
  35. I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
  36. I like to spend my weekends playing chess with old men in the park. It’s not easy. You try finding 32 old guys.
  37. Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
  38. I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
  39. I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
  40. Sex is like air. It only matters if you aren’t getting any.
  41. My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
  42. My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.
  43. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
  44. My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
  45. The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
  46. What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
  47. My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
  48. What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
  49. I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
  50. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
  51. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
  52. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
  53. You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
  54. Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. “My friend isn’t breathing,” he shouts into the phone. “What should I do?” “Relax,” the operator tells him. “I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, “OK, now what?”
  55. Option 1: Let’s eat grandma.
    Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma.
    There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.
  56. Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
    Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
  57. Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon”
    Man: “Am I dying?”
    Doctor: “No, your wife is”
  58. Wife: I’m pregnant.
    Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.
    Wife: No, you’re not.

Dark Humor Jokes That Are Really Hilarious

Do you like jokes that are so dark, twisted and offbeat that you can’t help but laugh? If so, you’re in for a treat because here are some of the funniest dark humor jokes around that will have you cracking up and wanting more. Whether you’re looking for a laugh or maybe just need a distraction from all the darkness in the world today, these dark humor jokes will have you rolling on the floor in no time.

Hilarious Dark Humor Jokes

  1. Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
  2. A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
  3. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
  4. What do you call people that insist on using the “pull out” method? Parents.
  5. My wife/husband is insisting we have another kid. It’s a good thing because I really don’t like the one we have right now.
  6. Why do hospitals have air conditioning? To keep the vegetables nice and cool.
  7. What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? A family photo.
  8. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile.
  9. Happy 60th birthday. At last, you can live undisturbed by life insurance agents!
  10. I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset about it. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
  11. In prison why is a white man scarier than a black man? Because he did it.
  12. What do you call a duck on drugs? A quack head.
  13. Why can’t orphans use iPhones? They can’t find the home button.
  14. What happens when a depressed kid tries to high-five a tree? It leaves him hanging.
  15. What does baby just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset? Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
  16. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
  17. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
  18. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
  19. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
  20. How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
  21. I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
  22. I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
  23. I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99 percent of you will never get it.
  24. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
  25. What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere.
  26. When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
  27. What do you call a lesbian with long nails? Single.
  28. My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now, he’ll really know what rejection feels like.
  29. What do peanut butter and strippers have in common? They both spread for bread.
  30. Why should you never fart in an Apple store? Because they don’t have windows.
  31. Went to Disneyland because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
  32. Do you know the one place where “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” don’t mean the same thing? A funeral.
  33. I hope Death is a woman. That way it will never look at me twice.
  34. I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
  35. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
  36. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
  37. I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
  38. When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
  39. What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
  40. I work with animals, the guy says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he says.
  41. I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you still holding the ladder?”
  42. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
  43. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
  44. It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my good friends would still be alive.
  45. I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
  46. Just say NO to drugs! Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
  47. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
  48. Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
  49. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
  50. My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. “She obviously has COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, “Because she has no taste.”
  51. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
  52. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
  53. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
  54. Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
  55. Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
  56. What do you call it when every one of your friends makes too many dumb COVID jokes? A pundemic.
  57. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
  58. What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car.
  59. A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
  60. What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt.
  61. What’s your name, son? The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-David, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
  62. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
  63. When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
  64. My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
  65. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
  66. Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner.

 

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